AL1 From The Cockpit: Round 6 Monaco

First of all I want to apologise to RosstheIcon. Yes I am blatantly ripping off your idea but I felt this race required some sort of commemoration. Anyway, on to business...

After a qualifying session where I surprised myself qualifying in 5th on a set of primes we all lined up on the grid, feeling the trepidation as we prepared to set off on a 78 lap voyage of armco avoidance. However the pressure was too much for GBM_Maz who, in a fit of rage, ripped his steering wheel clean off the rack and proceeded to lob it into the pool on the Red Bull boat. He must have felt after all, with both Red Bull drivers lost in a Malaysian jungle still, that at least the pool should be used for something.

As the lights went out the drivers all hurtled toward turn 1 and to our surprise we all made it in safely. It was such a surprise in fact that Topman and Stevo forgot that there was 78 more laps to avoid each other and went for a bit of a cuddle in the barrier. Round to Mirabeau we went where madman then thought there was something written on the barrier there and stopped for a closer look. Turns out it was just a smudge. The biggest loser on the opening lap however turned out to be Chaz who was surprised by a bollard that just appeared out of nowhere and decided to attack his car smashing a wheel off of his car. Rumour has it at this point the safety car driver was too busy flirting with the pit girls to realise that he was needed on track. He has since been fired.

So we settled in for the long haul. Gaps increasing and shrinking until, after the first round off pitstops, we found ourselves in a 5-way battle for the lead. The pressure was building and braver and braver looks were made until Topman decided to "pull a Perez" coming through the tunnel and made a move on tomfenty for the lead. This didn't end well and almost caused a massive pile-up but somehow most of us came through unscathed. madman, however, thought he saw something written on the barrier again. Turns out this one said "barwell 4 madman's sister." tomfenty however didn't last much longer hitting the barrier and deciding that he didn't need his front wing anymore and dropped it on the track. Bit of a mistake as any hope for the win ended.

Down we settled again trying to out-strategize each other with pitstops until we heard those dreaded words "Rain in 15 minutes." Tactics were employed as some drivers pitted and some tried to hang on until the rain finally came. And came it did forcing all of us onto the intermediate tyres. Well, almost all of us. It turns out that whoever was doing the Williams strategies was sitting on the toilet at the time and when someone knocked on the door to ask what tyres to put Stevo on the automatic answer was options. This forced Stevo to do an extra pit stop on the next lap handing the lead to myself on a silver plate. Apparently a body was fished out of the harbour that night wearing full Williams team gear. The authorities are investigating but have no leads.

One more pit stop was required onto full wets as the aforementioned Williams mechanic needed to go that badly he blocked the drains causing puddles to form on the track. The remaining drivers tiptoed the last few laps just praying not to lose the rear of the car and prematurely end our races. None more than myself who clung on to claim my first ever league win, hopefully the first of many. The drama didn't quite end there as on his final lap tomfenty saw some beautiful girls soaked in beer on the deck of his boat and just stopped on track and swam over to join them. The stewards however didn't see the funny side of this and promptly disqualified tom from the race causing much hilarity to whiteside who picked up his best ever finish of 5th.

And some awards just to fully rip off Ross' idea:
Driver of the Day: Anyone who saw the chequered flag.
Martin Whitmarsh award for not knowing how to strategize a piss-up in a brewery: Stevo's race engineer
Max Chilton award for being lapped at least 50 times but still finishing: whiteside
Kimi Raikkonen award for not being bothered to go back to the pits and stopping on his boat: tomfenty

good post mate enjoyed reading it 

I approve of taking Ross' Idea.