AL3 not from the Cockpit - Abu Dhabi

This column comes a couple of days earlier than I would usually write it due to the fact that I will be busy for the next few days. My weekend will consist of endless hours of playing cricket in my last two games of the season, before on Monday I head to Majorca on holiday, missing the US GP in the process.

Today I had to go over to sort out my new room at university, after which I fully intended on taking part in the race. Unfortunately rush hour M1 traffic caught me out and I comfortably missed the race. Because of this, my account of the face may again be slightly clouded.

Another notable absentee for this race was Championship contender Deanocourtney94, who claims he was playing football. This has been questioned, however, since BBC cameras caught him in his back garden, holding a strange ceremony whilst burying a shoebox.

Again on this subject, tributes for Gerald have been pouring in, with Christian Horner posting on Twitter "Gerald is a huge loss to Red Bull Racing, the reason we have only just signed Ricciardo is that we were in fact in negotiations with him first.

Pole was taken by debutant Chaz_B_97 with a 1:40.6. I think at this point I should point out that in an earlier lobby deano set a 1:40.5 and I set a 1:39.8.....not that I'm sore about missing out. Congratulations Chaz! Ferrari must have been a little perplexed, though, taking both forst and last positions on the grid after Aletdownofstate set a time of 1:44.3. Frankly I could have gone round in a Marussia stuck in reverse quicker than that......Not that I'm sore or anything....

B__SENNA_ has now established himself as the model of arrogance. For the second week in a row he skipped qualifying. He was later seen staggering out of the McLaren broom cupboard followed by Jessica Michibata. Because of this Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger decided to break up.

The race began with raptor1995curtis jumping out of his car on the grid. He later explained that he thought the dark conditions were far too dangerous to compete in and he wanted to take no part in the race. He was surprised when it was explained that the circuit would be floodlit when night fell. Because of this idiocy, he was classified behind the race steward, becoming the first man in F1 ever to achieve this.

After a poor start by Chaz, Will-I-Am-3001 led from benappleby and the aforementioned Chaz through an uneventful first few laps, the rest of the order was unchanged and the crowd were beginning to think that without two of the biggest stars of the league this could turn into a dull race.....not that I'm sore....

This view was proved incorrect however, as on lap 13 something mysterious occurred. VR6_ROB was having a lacklustre race in 4th place, struggling to find performance from his Mercedes after the team controversially decided that they couldn't spend any length of time in a country with no alcohol, and left Rob to set the car up himself. This proved irrelevant, however, when the floodlights briefly went out on the pit straight. When the lights came back on, Rob had vanished. His whereabouts is as yet still unknown.

Bloodandsand and Aletdownofstate were duking it out over the wooden spoon on lap 18, when suddenly Lewis Hamilton ran out onto the track crying over his break up. Because of this the track quickly became extremely wet, causing bloodandsand to spin off into retirement. Nicole Scherzinger saw this show of passion and the couple has since got back together.

Up front, Ben and Will were having a heated battle over the lead with Chaz trundling round over a minute behind. This was ended when in the final round of pitstops the Ferrari team put some Bridgestone tyres onto the car one of the mechanic's Vauxhall Nova. After this Chaz was able to go 28 seconds a lap faster than anyone else over a 41 lap stint and went on to win the race. Paul HembEry put this down to a lack of testing of the Pirelli Tyres, after they have had only 3 years to develop them, plus a year of development beforehand.

After 45 laps Aletdownofstate decided to get out and walk. After this he was suddenly 2 seconds a lap quicker. He went on to pass Liam-Mullen-1888 for 4th.

Will managed a commendable second ahead of Ben in Third. These two went to complain to the stewards after the race about Chaz's strategy, however no penalty was received. Codemasters stand by their penalty system.

I have no idea how this leaves the championship as it was not updated after the last race and I can't be bothered to add it up. I also no longer care as I have no chance after missing my second race and am due to miss the next one.

Can't Wait for Brazil!

DOTD: tallboy_rocks (For not coming last despite not being in the race.)
Kimi Raikkonen Award for Not Giving a Shit: B__SENNA_ (For shear distain for qualifying.)
Narain Karthikeyan Award for Being Incredibly Slow: Aletdownofstate (For being incredibly slow.)
Jaques Villeneuve Award for an Amazing start to a Career Without Actually Being Very Good: Chaz_B_97 (Because I'm not sore.)
Fernando Alonso Sore Loser in Abu Dhabi Award: RosstheIcon (Because I'm not sore.)

Hey, it was a bad lap, and I only did the one >_>

with a very bad out lap  

I'm blaming Logitech for that one.

I'm no expert, but I think Ross might be sore

I couldn't get a lap together that's why I didn't set a lap , I was 0.05 of the pole time in the final sector but messed it up and then I was out of time

i never went all out in quali
i did have a really good race battling with chaz and liam m
when chaz had a spin me and liam were passing each other for at least 20 laps then ben came into the mix i was up front until lap 43ish i misjudged a corner and encountered a rear puncture which ended my race as i had lost to much time. i actually forgot parc ferme was on and put in a setup which i had yet to try and it was the best race setup i have done

A really great race that had ups and downs for me.. I've done a review in the race resutls section if you want to read it :p